No More Miss Nice Bunny
by Nate Collins
Summary: Babs Bunny is about to make her stand-up debut but her new boss demands that she changes her style at the last minute to something that isn't exactly her. Can she save her act without selling out?
1. Act 1: The Death of Comedy

Babs Bunny

In

'No More Miss Nice Bunny'

Story and Screenplay

By

Nate Collins

Based on "Tiny Toon Adventures",

Characters Created By Tom Ruegger

and Television Show Developed and Produced By Steven Spielberg

Note: I will just upload the first act for now since it's completely edited and set to go. The second act will most likely be finished and edited either this week or the next. Also, please get use to my script formats since it's only way I feel comfortable writing these. They're supposed to make you feel like you're actually watching another episode of the show. Anyway, with that said, I very much hope you enjoy this.

* * *

><p>ACT I<p>

EXT. ACME ACRES – MORNING

It's a beautiful morning in the not-yet lively town of Acme Acres. The civilians walk towards their destinations while a few vehicles are parked next to the curb where the parking meters will be watching them for the next... I don't know how many hours.

A gray female cat with a white tail tip walks along the sidewalk followed by a brown ditzy looking dog that's twice the size of the cat. They stumble across a line of trash cans which is exactly what they are looking for. The cat, RITA purrs with bliss and rapidly pounces onto one of the many appetizing cans. She stumbles across a fish skeleton and pulls it out of the can only to reveal a familiar looking blue cat that looks more a bit more abused than Rita, FURRBALL, desperately hanging on to it as if his life depended on it and screeching in confusion. Both cats have themselves a little tug-o'-war with the fish skeleton while the dog, RUNT, just stands there watching like the ditzy dog that he is. Then suddenly... VROOOM! The sounds of an engine roaring and a set of tires screeching are suddenly heard and out of nowhere, a car with an orange coating pounces right onto the road. The cats and dog make a run for it as the car knocks aside the trash cans and continues its rampage on the road.

CUT TO:

INT. CAR

Inside the car, we see our favorite blue-furred rabbit with the red shirt clutching onto the handles of the passenger seat and relying on however many seat belts he has on while a certain pink-furred rabbit with the yellow blouse, purple skirt and bows on her ears has her giant foot on the accelerator and her other foot on the brakes for standby while her tiny pink hands are grasping the steering wheel as they violently turn left and right. She has a crazed look on her face as she desperately attempts to drop Buster off on time. Speaking of which, he looks like he's starting to regret asking Babs to drive him to class even though this is one the rare times where she accidentally woke up late.

BUSTER: Watch it, Babs! You almost hits a couple of cats there.

BABS: Buster, I don't complain about the way you ride your bike every day.

BUSTER: That's because I don't wake up a half an hour late and bike at a maniacal rate.

BABS: Yeah, remind me to tell Harriet next time I play "P-sychiatrist" with her on the phone. [re: the road, civilians, cars, etc.] Outta my way, freeloaders! Move it or lose it, bub!

We see through her window a number of cameos- er, citizens that lunge out of the way of Babs' insane driving. On the top right of the screen, a scoreboard pops up and keeps track of all the damage Babs is now doing. The more people dodge out of her way and the more trash cans and fire hydrants she keeps colliding into, the higher the score goes up.

BUSTER: Tell me again, why did I agree for you to drive me to class?

BABS: Because you love me and you can't live without me!

BUSTER: Hmm, interesting choice of words there. [watches the road; eyes open wide] LOOK OUT!

He spots two workers trying to cross the street while holding a giant glass window (yes, apparently they still do that today). Babs spots this and violently turns to the right.

EXT. ACME ACRES - McKIMSON STREET

The car turns to the right and jumps right onto a building. The tires somehow sticks to the building as it continues to accelerate to its destination. The car then jumps right back onto the road as soon as it passes the two workers.

They both sigh with relief as they continue to cross the street... only to spot LITTLE BEEPER speed his way under the glass as he is being chased by CALAMITY COYOTE who is on a tiny Acme plane that's flying at such a low altitude and doesn't seem to notice the glass window as it crashes through it. (Hmm, must've been wiped clean with Windex or something.) The only thing that's left of it is the bottom of the glass that the workers are continuing to hold.

WORKER #2: Ah, great.

CUT TO:

INT. CAR

BUSTER: Was this by any chance on the exam when you got your license?

BABS: Buster, I swear if one more comment on my driving comes out of that mouth of yours, I'm going to-

BUSTER: -use me as a punching bag and go "Million Dollar Baby" on my tail.

BABS: Yeah. [whispers] Darn straight, I will.

CUT TO:

EXT. ACME LOONIVERSITY

The Acme Looniversity has been making a number of changes since then. Mostly on the entrance which is still in construction. This however doesn't prevent people from entering the building as they're just working around it. This will not be relevant to the plot so let's move on. The car screeches to a halt as the two rabbits finally reach their destination. The scoreboard blinks its high score of 44,587 and disappears for a moment.

CUT TO:

INT. CAR

Babs tilts a bit towards to steering wheel due to the strong braking of the car which causes something to fall from her eyes. As she opens her eyes again, brown eyes are revealed instead of her glorious blue ones. She notices something is wrong with this picture as she waves her hands towards her face and blinks rapidly.

BABS: Oh, no. I'm blind. I'M BLIND!

Buster turns to the "camera" and pulls out a picket sign out of his shirt that states "DRAMATIC, ISN'T SHE?".

BUSTER: You're not blind, your contacts just fell off. See? [he points to the contact lenses that are on the ground.]

BABS: [she waves her hands again] Oh. [lowers her eyelids] Uh, Buster?

BUSTER: Oh, right.

Buster unbuckles the many seat belts he had on and reaches down to pick up her contact lenses. He blows the bit of dust off of them and tries to pop them back into Babs' eyes, that is if they would please stop blinking at two rates per second.

BUSTER: Stop blinking, will ya?

BABS: Sorry.

She stops blinking for a sec as Buster places them back onto her eyes which go from brown to blue again. Babs blinks a few times in order for them to adjust.

BABS: Ah, much better. Thanks.

BUSTER: No problem. Well, I guess I'll see you-

BABS: Hold on a second, Mr. Hitch and Ditch! Aren't you forgetting something?

BUSTER: Hmm? Oh, right. Sorry.

He leans over and kisses her.

BUSTER: You're still the best, by the way.

BABS: Why, thank you, Buster.

Buster opens the door and slips himself out of the vehicle.

BUSTER: I'll see you at three.

He closes the door and heads for the Looniversity. Babs waves as he leaves her sight. She lets out a sigh as she is now the only one in the car. It's not that she gets lonely rather quickly but the fact that her stand up show titled 'No More Miss Nice Bunny' debuts in just one day and while she has been working on her material for quite a while now, her boss talked to her yesterday about whether she should go with a new style since there was the possibility that her jokes were starting to lose their fuel and she was up all night thinking about it only to remember what Buster continues to tell her everyday since they had started dating. "You're still the best, by the way." She knew he meant it and she wasn't going to forget it. She tries to smile and not think about it as she turns on the radio to make herself feel better and starts the car up again.

EXT. ACME LOONIVERSITY

Everybody that was near or was walking past Babs' car quickly ran to get out of the way as soon as they heard her start the engine. The scoreboard comes back on screen and all of a sudden, the "CONTINUITY ALARM" starts ringing inside the car due to the fact that she didn't shut the car off when she parked there.

BABS: [off screen] Oh, hush up!

The alarm turns itself off as the car begins to leave the frame.

* * *

><p>DISSOLVE TO:<p>

EXT. DOWNTOWN ACME ACRES – STILL MORNING

This is downtown Acme Acres. It's nothing special, really. If you're expecting it to look like the Broadway section of Chicago or Times Squre in New York, then it's really not like that. Still, it is special to the town of Acme Acres since their favorite shows always show up on here as well as their favorite acts. Heck, it's been rumored that Bugs Bunny had his start in one of the theaters. Anyway, we see our next location which happens to be...

DISSOLVE TO:

INT. ACME COMEDY CLUB - AUDITORIUM

This is the Acme Comedy Club where Babs Bunny's stand-up debut will take place (Oh, and get use to the expositions because they're here to stay). Inside the auditorium, both familiar faces and unknowns are working on setting up the stage, sound, audience seats, tables and the rest of the club. You got PLUCKY DUCK, a green duck with a white tank top doing the lighting...

PLUCKY: Eh, it's a livin'. It's better than getting blown up inside a car for $50. Lousy cheapskates.

...SHIRLEY THE LOON, a white waterfowl with orange hair and donning a pink bow and blouse with a thick Valley Girl accent painting the walls pink and purple using her mind...

SHIRLEY: You know, I would've, like, gone for a stylish and colorful look. But instead, it has to be all about her. Hmm, figures.

...and HAMTON J. PIG, a pink pig with blue overalls, sweeping the floor.

HAMTON: When I found out that cleaning was involved, I just had to jump at the chance. That and I would do anything for my good friend, Babs cause she makes me laugh more than anyone else in the world.

CUT TO:

INT. ACME COMEDY CLUB – MAIN HALL

And then you got others working in the main hall and the entrance where two guys on a ladder holding giant letters to put on the marquee.

VOICE: NO! NO! NO! NO!

The CAMERA pans to the left onto a human with long hair, a suit, tie and glasses. He pretty much looks like a guy who just recently inherited his entire family's fortune (Yeah, I don't think we're gonna like him either). His name (get this), MARVIN SULSUKER. Pronounced "SUL-ZUKER". Okay, let's just get the exposition out of the way, he came into the show halfway during the show's arrangement. Babs had it all under control at this point. She was in charge of writing the material, overlooking how the show would look, how the stage would be arranged... she was pretty much her own director. She even put up some of her own money into the show's funding along with her friends and family. Then the Broadway industry found out about it and hired Sulsuker to interfere with the project (Well, not really. All they asked him to do was to help out with the project but I guess he got a little greedy somewhere in the process). Anyway, he convinces Babs that he has plenty of ideas that could make the show work a bit more and get her name more known with the public and because of this, she winds up signing a contract (Oh, trust me, she's done mistakes before so don't think that she's completely perfect cause she's anything but). Afterwards, he started to take control of the show and would make unauthorized decisions about how it was all going to look and such. Babs could fire him but then she would lose funding for the show and she'd be back to where she started. Don't worry though, nobody takes him seriously since they find him being unhappy with results amusing. Okay, now back to the story.

MARVIN: [looking at the plans and then the auditorium] This is not the way I had intended for it to look!

Shirley stops painting for a bit and approaches Marvin.

SHIRLEY: Yeah, well we saw your little design and we like thought that it wasn't really what Babs was looking for or some junk so we just you know, stuck to the original design if you don't mind.

MARVIN: I don't really care what that rabbit is looking for, just use what I have and stick with it!

SHIRLEY: Whatever.

She goes back to painting, completely ignoring the requests.

MARVIN: Speaking of which, where is that rabbit? She should've been here a half hour ago.

Offscreen, we hear car tires screeching followed by a CRASH! as it sounds like it just ran through a bunch of trash cans.

MARVIN: Ah, right on cue.

Babs enters the club drinking the last sips of coffee then tosses the cup in the trash can behind her. The people working on the entrance are cheering for her as she walks in, knowing that she'll be brilliant. Marvin goes up to her and begins walking along with her.

MARVIN: Hello, Barbara Ann.

BABS: [quickly] Don't call me that.

MARVIN: Sorry. So, uh, have you thought about the little discussion we had yesterday?

BABS: Yes, I have and I plan not to go through with it.

MARVIN: Thank you very mu-wha-wha-what? And just why not?

BABS: Look, Mr. Sulsuker, I've been writing my own material for as long as I can remember and I think I know what my audience wants.

MARVIN: Hmm, you think you know, huh? Come with me. I want to show you something.

He leads Babs into the auditorium and...

INT. ACME COMEDY CLUB – AUDITORIUM

...heads to the stage where a laptop waits for him. He opens it up to show her a few things. One of the pages is a table chart for comedy. Good, intelligent comedy is 57%, immature, unoriginal comedy is 78% and a tiny picture of Babs is shown under 21%.

MARVIN: According to this chart, comedic styles have changed in the past decade or so. It appears that intelligent comedy is now being surpassed by more juvenile, demeaning, and awkwardly immature brands of comedy, whereas you fall somewhere in the bottom of those two since, let's face it. Nobody since then has ever heard of you or even cares about your existence. The other 21% is pretty much made up of people who still live in their parent's basement surrounded by today's technology and more than enough Twinkies to last them for a good six months.

BABS: But at least they know about me online. Seriously, if I can get my act known to a bigger crowd this way, I could-

MARVIN: Sorry. If you want to be big you have to change your style. This is what today's audience wants.

He pulls a tiny remote out of his pocket, points it at the monitor and clicks it on. Off screen, static is heard and a series of clips from different sources, mostly off of something like YouTube are heard and not seen.

GUY ON SCREEN: [with a really annoying sped-up and high pitched voice] HEY! I'M GONNA GO STALK SOME GIRL I'VE NEVER EVEN MET BECAUSE THAT'S GONNA BE REAL INTERESTING! SEE HOW MY VOICE SOUNDS? I SWEAR I DIDN'T LIKE MESS AROUND WITH THE COMPUTER OR ANYTHING BECAUSE I ACTUALLY DO SOUND LIKE THIS! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

BABS: o_0

Static.

SOME ANNOYING FRUIT ON SCREEN: HEY PEAR! HEY PEAR! HEY PEAR! HEY PEAR! HEY PEAR!

SOME OTHER FRUIT ON SCREEN: What?

ANNOYING FRUIT: Orange you glad I didn't say pear again? [laughs annoyingly]

Static.

IRATE REVIEWER ON SCREEN: This game is a piece of [Bleep! Bleep! Bleep! Bleep! Bleep! Bleep! Bleep! BLEEEEEEEEEEEEEP!]

BABS: O_O. Wait a minute, isn't there another guy who does the same thing except he's a lot funnier?

Anyway, static.

SOME KID ON SCREEN: Is this real life? I feel funny. Why is this happening to me?

Static.

SOME WEIRD GUY/GIRL ON SCREEN: LEAVE BRITNEY ALONE! LEAVE HER ALONE! I'M SERIOUS!

Static. Laptop shuts off.

Babs, after being bombarded by a few of other people's desperate attempts at comedy that can only be found online, is now left with an extremely confused look on her face. Her eyes and mouth are extremely wide open. She honestly has no words to describe what she has just witnessed. Truly, it was the death of comedy. Marvin on the other hand, awaits Babs' response.

MARVIN: Well, what do you think?

Babs slowly turns to face Marvin.

BABS: You're- You're kidding, right? You're actually trying to tell me that THIS is supposed to be funny? That THIS is what people actually prefer to see now?

MARVIN: That's right.

BABS: But- But they're not even trying!

MARVIN: Exactly. People nowadays are so desperate for comedy that they don't even try anymore. You could pretty much do something as simple as eating an apple or walking the dog and it'll still somehow turn out funny. You see what I'm trying to say here? Smart jokes, impersonations, good personalities, whatever. They are all things of the past. If you really want to make people laugh, just run around screaming at the top of your lungs and say the most random, idiotic things that come to mind. It's quick, simple and it makes for easier money.

Babs couldn't believe what she was hearing. It felt like a joke. Like one big joke. Only problem is that no one's laughing.

BABS: No. If you're trying to tell me that I should change my act to... this, then you're way out of your mind. I mean, were you even watching?

MARVIN: Yes, I was. Do you want me to repeat everything that I just said a few seconds ago? So please, Babs. Could you please go with this material instead?

BABS: No, I already-

MARVIN: [changes mood] All right, how about I make this a lot easier for you. Change your act or I stop funding your show and all your other future shows. Think about it; your act is getting old fast and if you don't update it quick, no one's gonna show up, no one's gonna care and I don't care how much you've poured into this and how much time you've spent on advertising this. I will make it all go away [snaps fingers] just like that. Do you want that? Is that what you want? Is it?

Babs now feels powerless to stop him. She's never been insulted like this before. She tries to come up with a quick comeback but nothing seems to pop out of her mind. She's just broken. So for now, she puts her head down and answers him.

BABS: Yes.

MARVIN: Excellent. That wasn't so hard now, was it? Well, I have to get going now. Got an important lunch to go to. I'll see you later, Babsy. Can't wait to see what you have in store for us tomorrow.

Marvin heads out of the auditorium leaving Babs sitting on her legs completely heartbroken. Was it really true? Were her jokes really getting old? Is vile, immature comedy really the way to go? She was completely lost right now.

FADE OUT

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><p>FADE IN<p>

EXT. BABS BURROW – AFTERNOON

Autumn has begun for a while now and while the wind's lightly blowing, it's still nevertheless a beautiful day. (Also, get used to these exterior shots because it's meant to feel like you're actually watching this on screen.) Anyway, the CAMERA closes up to the rabbit hole as we...

DISSOLVE TO:

INT. BABS' BURROW – BEDROOM

...Babs in her bedroom holding a newly typed piece of paper that supposedly has a quickly thought up list of so-called 'material' that she could maybe use for her show and begins talking to either herself or someone in the room.

BABS: All right. All right. This shouldn't be too hard. I mean, it's me, for crying out loud. I can make anything funny. All right, I'm going to do a few things and just let me know what you think. Okay? All right, now. [Ahem] [begins imitating first internet star she witnessed with the annoying sped-up voice whose name will not be mentioned] HEY! SO THIS JERK OF A BROADWAY DIRECTOR JUST TOLD ME THAT I NEED TO CHANGE MY STYLE OF COMEDY SO THAT THEY'D BE MORE PASSABLE TO EVERYBODY! SO NOW I'M JUST GONNA SELL MY SOUL TO THE CORPORATE DEVIL AND BABBLE LIKE THE STEREOTYPICALLY HANDICAPPED WHATCHAMACALLIT THAT I AM! [laughs annoyingly]

We cut from this horrible sight to reveal Babs' "audience" that's made up of a few of her younger brothers and sisters as they cover their ears from the annoying laugh that is apparently coming out of their favorite sister. Some of the even younger ones even start crying, it's that bad.

BABS: Alright, alright! I'm sorry! That was a bit too much, I'm sorry. I'll try the next one. Let's see here. [re: the paper] Okay, here's one. [starts doing style similar to Dane Cook, waving her hands and everything] So I'm like, driving along side the road, alright? And I get a red light, you know? So I stop. Then I get a call from my bestest friend in the world and I'm all like, "Hey! How ya doin'? Oh, nothing. Just driving my car here". Then the light turns green and I'm still on the phone so I don't even notice this and then some guys starts honking at me like, "BEEP! BEEP! Move it, ya jerk!" and I just turn around and go, "Excuse me! I'm one the phone here if you don't mind!" So apparently, that must've made him angry or something because he jumped out of the car and started threatening me! And then I just start whaling on him like- [waves hands uncontrollably] Yeah, how do you like that? [halts abruptly]

Every one of her sibs tilt their heads down in confusion the same way a dog would. Babs looks like she's just about ready to give up with this.

BABS: I know. It's all the same shtick, isn't it?

Sibs nod their heads in agreement.

BABS: Alright then. How about this?

She turns around for a bit to get into herself, then turns around.

BABS: [imitates James Stewart, complete with facial expressions and everything] "Merry Christmas, movie house! Merry Christmas, emporium! Merry Christmas, you ol' Building & Loan!"

They're all thinking the same thing, 'Finally!' and laugh their heads off. Babs now feels a bit better that she's getting her first laugh out of them.

BABS: Yeah. That's better, right?

Sibs continue laughing.

BABS: Hmm. So what does Marvin see in this? (Well, besides the money, that is.)

* * *

><p>WIPE CUT TO:<p>

INT. BABS' BURROW – LIVING ROOM

In the living room, BABS' MOM is sitting in her rocking chair, bottle feeding the usual baby rabbit that's cradled in her arms while also looking after the rest of the young'uns that surround her. CAMERA pans over to the right to reveal Babs quietly approaching the living room, hoping not to disturb anything or anyone.

BABS: Hey, Mom? Do you have a second?

BABS' MOM: For you, Bee-abs, honey? Five seconds.

BABS: Well, I don't know if I can cram it all in just five seconds but anyway, just a quick question here but, what exactly do you find funny?

BABS' MOM: About what, kiddo?

BABS: About anything. Anything at all.

BABS' MOM: Well, I don't necesse-arily like all of the-at filthy mouth stuff that they show on TV nee-owadays nor do I like all of that potty humor that they always got on those kee-ids shows these dee-ays.

BABS: Okay, so what do ya like?

BABS' MOM: Well, I like simple stuff like, let's see, knock-knock jokes, that Roseanne Barr when she's not singing. I used to think that Charlie Sheen was funny until he went cuckoo. Those wonderful pee-ople on "The Office" even though that's really not for me, but, yeah, that's all I can think about for now.

BABS: All right, well, what about my stuff? Do you find any of that funny?

BABS' MOM: Is thee-at what's bothering you?

BABS: Well, it's just that I went over to the comedy club this morning to check out the stage and all and my boss tells me at the last minute that I should change my act into something that isn't entirely me and right now, I just don't know what to do.

BABS' MOM: Well, he-ave you tried talking to him?

BABS: I wanted to but he threatened to pull the plug on the show if I didn't go through with it.

BABS' MOM: Hmm. Well, you know, kiddo, if they won't let you do what you want, then me-aybe you should consider doing something else with your life.

This catches Babs completely off-guard.

BABS: Wait, what?

She couldn't believe what she was hearing.

BABS' MOM: Yeah. Who knows? Me-aybe there's some hidden te-alent that you might've never known about.

BABS: But- But this is all I know how to do! How can I go on to do something else when I've already dedicated my entire life to nothing but this?

BABS' MOM: Oh, that's just what they all say. You'll soon discover it. Now if you'll excuse me, I gotta go make sure Charlotte takes her nee-ap so I can go check on dinner.

BABS: Alright. Thanks anyway.

Babs lets her mother go, leaving her once again alone with her thoughts. 'Wow, twice in one day. First my boss and now my own Mom. Could this day get any worse?' She knows she was just trying to help but some days, there are some things that a person (or in this case, a rabbit) just doesn't want to hear when the situation's already worse. Without much help, she slowly heads back upstairs with her head down.

BABS: [disappointed] Well, that was totally pointless.

* * *

><p>CUT TO:<p>

INT. BABS' BURROW – BEDROOM

Babs opens the door to her room and shuts it as soon as she's in. It should also be noted that her siblings have long left her room while she was talking with her mother just in case anybody wondered if I had forgotten them or not.

BABS: [as she walks] "Get another career". Who does she think she is? Like I can actually think of something else to do with my life when I don't know anything but this. [goes to her mirror] What would I be good as? A cook? [spins around, turns into Emeril] BAM! Hahaha. You like that? That's like my catch phrase, sort of. BAM! [regular voice] Nah. A lawyer? [spins around, turns into that one attorney guy you always see on TV] I'm attorney Peter Francis Geraci and I sound a lot like Ben Stein. My commercials have always been boring since 1990s. Filled with the same blandness and boredom money could ask for. Oh, and I sound even worse in Spanish too. No wonder I never get any clients. [normal voice] No. Hmm. A doctor? [spins around, turns into House] I'm the biggest jerk of a doctor that's ever existed onto mankind and have the worst medical vocabulary that even I can't understand but I don't seem to care because I got problems of my own, so there.

She shakes her head 'no', tosses the disguise away and jumps right into bed.

BABS: Oh. What good is being something else when all I can do is insult things?

Light bulb goes on in her head right after her last statement.

BABS: Well, you know what they say, "When a mother's advice doesn't work, always rely on the advice of your bestest girlfriend".

She picks up the phone and calls up the only other person that she can rely on (if we can see her, that is). The line picks up.

BABS: Harriet. Hieeeeee! Oh, really? He did what? And what'd you do? No way! How about that? Oh, wait a minute. What am I talking about? I have to talk to you about something serious for a sec.

HARRIET: [on the other line] Really? Well, I guess I can finally move this out of the way then.

The screen starts to split as we begin to see a brown-furred rabbit with hair that's a darker brown and donning a black blouse and pink skirt pushing the screen right to the middle so that the right side just shows her and the left side shows Babs. Well, ladies and gentlemen, this is HARRIET.

HARRIET: Been wanting to do that for a long time. So what'cha need, Babsy?

BABS: Well, first I get a last minute request from Marvin saying that I should change my act so I can please the audience more but right after he publicly insults and humiliates me in front of my own crew saying that my style is now considered dated like he even knows what the word means. Then, I test the act on my sibs, they don't like it. After that, I go for advice from my mom and get in response that I should maybe change my career as if I could.

Harriet tries desperately to follow along as Babs talks her head off about the day she's been having.

HARRIET: Alright. Calm down, calm down. We're talking about your show tomorrow, right?

BABS: No, I'm talking the new Looney Tunes show that's on Cartoon Network right now. Of course I'm talking about my show. Look, I go on tomorrow and I'm afraid that if I go with this new act, then I'll get booed off the stage but I'm also worried that if I go on with my material, then the same thing will occur. It's like I'm in the middle of a lose-lose situation here.

HARRIET: All right. I'll try to think of a possibility here. (whispers) This is way beyond my alley.

BABS: I heard that.

HARRIET: Sorry. [thinks for a few seconds] All right! I got something here.

BABS: What is it? I'll go with anything.

HARRIET: Well, you're not gonna like this but it's all I got.

BABS: I don't care.

HARRIET: Okay. Well, how about if you just not go on tomorrow and just give your act a break for however long you should do so?

BABS: What?

HARRIET: Yeah, that way you'd be taking yourself out of the situation and not worrying about disappointing anyone's expectations.

BABS: So, you're saying that I should chicken myself out of my own show? Is that what I'm hearing?

HARRIET: Hey, you're the one who said that you'd go with anything I said.

BABS: Yeah, but I meant something positive! Not the other way around!

HARRIET: Well, excuse me for trying to help!

BABS: [sighs] All right, all right. I'm sorry. I know you're trying to help. I'm sorry. Could I just ask you something real quick?

HARRIET: What is it?

BABS: Have you ever even seen my act?

HARRIET: No, not really. We mostly just talk on the phone and discuss the so-called 'daily lives' that we both seem to live.

BABS: I guess. Well, it was worth a try. Thanks anyway.

HARRIET: No problem.

BABS: You're still coming tomorrow, right?

HARRIET: Yeah, of course I'm coming. What, you think I spent $12 on this ticket just so I don't even have to show up?

BABS: Well, just be thankful you're my friend. Otherwise, you would've been stuck paying full like everybody else did.

HARRIET: Yeah. All right, girlfriend. Take care.

As Harriet hangs up, the screen goes back to just showing Babs' face getting worse as she too hangs up.

BABS: I'm doomed.

* * *

><p>DISSOLVE TO:<p>

EXT. BABS' BURROW – BETWEEN NOON AND NIGHT

The sun is setting and the sky is turning orange. Behind the burrow, the trees begin their metamorphosis of changing colors color and waiting for the perfect moment to hit the ground (not literally). The CAMERA starts to slowly close in once again on the burrow as we...

DISSOLVE TO:

INT. BABS' BURROW – BATHROOM

...Babs inside her bathtub having what is supposed to be a calm and peaceful bath so she doesn't have to think about everything that is trying to ruin her mentally and emotionally. Her head is resting on the very end of the tub with her eyes closed while the rest of her body is lying under water that is completely covered with bubbles. As she attempts to relax, her head slowly begins to sink into the water which gurgles a bit in the open that isn't covered with bubbles. RRRRRRIIIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNGGGG! Babs splashes her way out of the water as the phone ringing immediately takes her out of her zone and coughs up a bit that she accidentally swallowed.

BABS: Why did I install a phone here?

She picks up the phone that's connected to the wall next to the tub and answers. Then proceeds to lie back down.

BABS: Hello?

SHIRLEY: Hey Babs! It's Shirl.

BABS: [bored voice] Oh, hey. How's it going?

CUT TO:

INT. SOME HOUSE

The house that Shirley is calling from is having what is supposed to be a party celebrating Babs' first show before it opens. Only problem is that Babs isn't there to celebrate, but everybody who had something to do with the show or people who are planning to see the show tomorrow seems to be.

SHIRLEY: [continues] Well I'm here at what is like, supposed to be your party or some junk. Only problem is that you're not here and everybody's asking for you and it's like, totally driving me and my aura crazy. You alright?

CUT TO:

INT. BABS' BURROW – BATHROOM

BABS: Yeah, I'm fine. But I think I'm just gonna sit this one out.

SHIRLEY: Really? You sure you're alright?

BABS: Yeah, I am. I'm just not feeling up for it right now. And besides, I have to practice for tomorrow and I gotta get my rest. You know how it is.

CUT TO:

INT. SOME HOUSE

SHIRLEY: Yeah, sure. I understand. Just don't know how I'm gonna let everybody know about this.

She turns around to see everybody having a good time dancing to the Crystal Castles music playing in the background or drinking out of one of the two punch bowls on the table, one labeled "SPIKED" and the other "CLEAN". She also sees Buster, Plucky and Hamton playing a game of "Duck Season, Rabbit Season". It involves Buster and Plucky being on separate sides of each other while Hamton stands in front of them wielding a prop shotgun. Both guys pass the barrel of the shotgun back and forth trying to outsmart the other one.

BUSTER: Duck season.

PLUCKY: Rabbit season!

BUSTER: Duck season.

PLUCKY: Rabbit season.

Buster passes the barrel back to Plucky but then pulls it back to himself.

BUSTER: Rabbit season.

Plucky snatches the barrel back.

PLUCKY: A-ha! DUCK SEASON! [realizes] Oh, mother-

BOOM! We cut back to Shirley who's still on the phone with Babs as Plucky gets shot by Hamton off screen.

PLUCKY: [off screen] Ow.

SHIRLEY: Yeah, you know what? You go ahead and rest. I don't they're like, even gonna care about the guest of honor so I'll think of something, kay?

BABS: Alright.

SHIRLEY: Okay. Oh, and Babs? Pay no attention to what Sulsuker said. You're gonna be incredible tomorrow. Just don't like, worry so much, kay?

BABS: Alright, thanks, Shirl. [hangs up]

Shirley hangs up as well but doesn't really seem convinced by Babs' response on the other line of the phone.

FADE OUT

* * *

><p>Ambient noises are heard as the screen continues being dark. Not very good noises either. Two blue eyes then open up and and wonder around as if looking for a light switch. Just then, the floor flashes on like the light of an old shelter. As it stops and becomes more still, the nervous pink rabbit slowly starts to follow the seemingly endless hall as it leads to a weaker green light at the very end. Several voices are then heard echoing throughout the hall as she walks making her even more uncomfortable.<p>

MARVIN'S VOICE: [left] People nowadays are so desperate for comedy that they don't even try anymore. [right] Smart jokes, impersonations, good personalities, whatever. They are all things of the past. If you really want to make people laugh, just run around screaming at the top of your lungs and say the most random, idiotic things that come to mind. [left] Your act is getting old fast and if you don't update it quick, no one's gonna show up, no one's gonna care and I don't care how much you've poured into this and how much time you've spent on advertising this. I will make it all go away [snaps fingers] just like that.

As the voices get louder, the more quicker Babs' feet move.

BABS' MOM'S VOICE: [right] You know, kiddo, if they won't let you do what you want, then me-aybe you should consider doing something else with your life. [left] Who knows, me-aybe there's some hidden te-alent that you might've never known about.

HARRIET'S VOICE: [right] How about if you just not go on tomorrow and just give your act a break? [left] That way you'd be taking yourself out of the situation and not worrying about disappointing anyone's expectations.

Babs finally reaches the weak green light which turns out to be an exit door. She turns around and sees the floor shutting itself off like a bunch of individual house lights. Without thinking, she takes her chances as she opens the door.

On the other side, the door becomes a curtain as Babs trips and falls right onto an empty stage. As she gets herself up and wipes the dust from her blouse, she examines the hollow auditorium as it get dustier and dustier each times she turns her head. BOOM! An unseen stage light aimed directly at her strikes on. Sweat begins to pour from her forehead. BOOM! Another stage light strikes on and is aimed at the once vacant auditorium that is now filled with an entire human audience. Babs continues staying motionless as she hasn't the faintest idea of what to do. She turns to her left and sees a standing microphone ready to go. She approaches it and the entire scene immediately becomes literally the exact same scene as the first time she tried stand-up at a local open mic night a few years ago.

BABS: Hello-

The microphone backfires as she gets a bit too close.

BABS: I'm uh- I'm- I'm-

AUDIENCE MEMBER: You're terrible!

The audience immediately begin laugh and booing for her to get offstage. Babs tries to come up to something to say but can't seem to focus due to the audience. More sweat pours from her head. Tomatoes and other vegetables are now being thrown at her. Completely giving up on the jokes, she now has nothing better to do than to stand behind the microphone and smile awkwardly.

The audience also seems to expand each time it cuts back to them. Harriet even joins in with them and who should stand right in front of the stage but Marvin Sulsuker himself.

MARVIN: What did I say, huh? What did I say? [laughs cruelly]

As the harsh laughs, boos and tomatoes become more uncontrollable, Babs continues to hide behind the microphone and whisper to herself.

BABS: [whispers] Just stop. Make it stop. Make it stop. Make it stop. Make it stop. Make it stop! Make it stop! MAKE IT STOP!

FADE OUT

INT. BABS' BURROW – BEDROOM

Babs springs and screams herself awake from the horrible nightmare she just had and hastily struggles to switch the lamp on as she pants and wipes the sweat from her furry little forehead. She pans over to her alarm clock. 1:48 AM. She could just go back to sleep, but she didn't really want to risk having the same nightmare all over again. So instead, she gets out of bed, grabs the sweater hanging on the doorknob and exits the room.

CUT TO:

EXT. BABS' BURROW

After a quick drink of water, she climbs her way out feeling exhaustively bleak. (She does have a handle that could lift her up out of the rabbit hole but then again, she's really not herself right now so she's not really thinking clearly, is she?) Anyway, she begins to take a stroll outside her neighborhood in the middle of the night. She doesn't really know exactly where she's going or how far she'll go, all she really is right now is engulfed inside her own thoughts of negativity and despair.

EXT. ACME ACRES – GRASSY CLIFF

She comes across a grassy cliff that overlooks the entire town that lights up like any other city would. She never really came here to think back in those days because she would always have everything under control. But now, her thoughts are all scrambled and any single option or opinion that came to her head would immediately be replaced by the exact opposite of that particular thought. She proceeds to sit down near a tree with her arms around her legs as she tries to calm herself down by watching the busy night town. Her emotions then get into the mix along with her thoughts. Without any hope left inside of her, she places her right hand on her face as tears begin to leak from her eyes.

Behind her, a familiar blue rabbit walks along the tiny sidewalk wiping some gunpowder off of his red shirt from earlier and chuckles at the incident he just came from.

BUSTER: Ha ha ha. Man, that was a fun game. Now I see how Daffy always falls for that every time that happens.

As he randomly turns his head to the right, he pauses as he notices a certain pink rabbit sitting on the cliff with all hope lost as she is softly crying. The look on Buster's face completely changes to curiosity as he starts to walk up to her and see if he could try to cheer her up like any usual boyfriend would.

BUSTER: [trying to pull off a terrible Kevin Costner impression] Now I know what she's thinking. 'Now why don't he write?'

BABS: [sniffles, turns] Buster? What are you doing here at this hour?

BUSTER: You know, I could ask you the same thing. But if you really want to know, I was just at your party making sure Plucky got blasted several times with a shotgun just for my amusement.

That little remark almost succeeded at making Babs smile. But instead, she just lightly giggles through her nose and gives a smile that only lasts about two seconds. She then goes back to putting her head down.

BUSTER: Hey, hey. What's the matter? Is that director of yours bothering you again?

She puts her head back up and wipes her nose with her hand meanwhile Buster sits down next to her.

BABS: Wait, how do you know about him?

BUSTER: I sneak into the club every now and then, but that's not the point right now. What's wrong?

BABS: [sniffles] I don't know. It's this whole thing. I'm not usually like this but now I'm not so sure.

BUSTER: About what?

He grabs a tissue from one of his unseen pockets and hands it to Babs. A weird sound comes out of her as she blows her nose. Afterwards, she continues.

BABS: About the show. Sulsuker told me today that my jokes were losing their touch and that I should change them to something more demeaning and without soul. Then I start thinking about whether or not they really were getting old since they're pretty much the same jokes I've been telling for as long as I can remember.

BUSTER: That's not true. I hear new jokes from you everyday.

BABS: Yeah, but they're almost always in the exact same format as my other stuff. Anyway, then I go for advice but didn't work either. First my mom says that I should seek a new career when this is all I know how to do and then Harriet says that I should put this thing on hold at the last minute which I really don't want to do since I'll be disappointing everybody that came but then again, what if I disappoint everyone that comes to the show because you know how quickly comedy styles change and- [grunts] I just don't know what to do. I'm completely lost here.

She places her head back down and proceeds to cry. Buster gets a bit closer and places his arms on hers.

BUSTER: Hey, hey. Come on. This isn't the Babs I know and I've known you a long time. You're supposed to like the next 'Queen of Comedy', for crying out loud. What are you doing talking about not being sure whether this is funny or not? You are what you are! Do you know how many people at Acme Loo wish they could be just like you? Do you know how many smiles and laughs you put on people's faces every morning? Heck, Hamton just bursts out laughing every time you open your mouth! Do you think it matters whether or not your jokes are always the same? They're what make you you. You're the strongest rabbit I've ever met and you're gonna let some stupid comments from someone who doesn't have good taste in comedy stop you from doing what you love?

BABS: [sniffles] Well, what about the audience?

BUSTER: What about them? Just don't worry about them. Look, I know you're gonna go over a bunch of modern day jocks, but you know what? I have just one thing to say to you about them. [turns to "audience"] And kids, you might want to cover your ears for a bit. [whispers in Babs' ear] Screw 'em.

Babs quickly turns to him.

BUSTER: [to "camera"] That's right! I said it! Bring on the 'PG' rating, ya lousy, mindless censors! [back to Babs] Look, if they laugh at you and not with you? Screw 'em. If they don't like your jokes? Screw 'em. If they boo you off the stage? Then just plain screw them! Oh, and screw that director of yours too.

This statement successfully makes Babs laugh.

BUSTER: Neither of them know good comedy when they see it. They're all stuck with their YouTube and their Adam Sandler movies and their Dane Cook. What do they know? Do you know why I always say that you're the best? And don't you dare say that it's just to be polite because that's nowhere near the truth and you know it!

After a bit of silence, Buster continues to talk.

BUSTER: I say it because you _are_ the best. I've always thought that and I'm always gonna think that about you no matter what anyone says. And you know yourself better than anyone. Better than me even. But I know for a fact that you're going to blow them out of the water and they won't even know what hit 'em. Come on, you've gone up against a crowd before. Remember when you tried to do amateur night for the first time?

BABS: Yeah, but I had help. Remember?

BUSTER: Still, just remember what you did there and you'll be all set. Oh, you know what else you could do? Between you and me, if you ever feel uncomfortable or unsure up there, just pretend like you're telling me those jokes. In fact, pretend that the audience is nothing but mes and whatever you do, do not, I repeat, DO NOT stop talking! If someone in the audience isn't laughing, then just keep going because they're bound to laugh sometime sooner or later, all right?

At this point, Babs has stopped crying and is listening to every single word that Buster has been telling her. She slowly begins to smile a bit as she wipes of the last bit of tears and sniffles for the last time.

BABS: You really care for me that much, don't you?

BUSTER: Of course. I love you too much.

With every bit of confidence now back inside of her, she places her arms around the blue rabbit and rests her head on his shoulders.

BABS: You're a great boyfriend, you know that?

BUSTER: So I'm told.

CAMERA pans out of the scene while they continue to share their moment together.

FADE OUT

END OF ACT I

* * *

><p>Stay tuned for Act II coming soon. Oh, but don't let that stop you from reviewing it. Feel free to do so.<p> 


	2. Act 2: Confidence and Respect

Babs Bunny

In

'No More Miss Nice Bunny'

Story and Screenplay

By

Nate Collins

Based on "Tiny Toon Adventures",

Characters Created By Tom Ruegger

and Television Show Developed and Produced By Steven Spielberg

Note: "Tiny Toon Adventures", "Animanaics" and "Pinky and the Brain" are all owned by Warner Bros. and Amblin Entertainment. Story is owned by yours truly.

* * *

><p><span>Yet another note<span>: There's been a change of plans, ladies and gentlemen. Because the climax of the story is going to be longer than I expected it to be, I shall be cutting this here story into three acts plus the ending instead of just two acts. With that said, the third act shall be finished sometime before the end of the week and let me just tell you, there will be laughs. Anyway, enjoy!

* * *

><p>ACT II<p>

FADE IN

EXT. BABS' BURROW – MORNING

Yet another beautiful morning. A little blue bird lands on top of the mailbox and chirps away its little song and yadda, yadda, yadda. Boring! Let's just get to the second act already.

DISSOLVE TO:

INT. BABS' BURROW – BEDROOM

The alarm on Babs' clock reads 7:59 AM... with only four seconds to go. 8:00 AM. A small version of GOGO DODO springs out of the alarm clock to give Babs a wake-up call.

GOGO: CUCKOO! CUCKOO! If you don't wake up on time, you'll b-

He's then immediately halted as a tired and cranky Babs smashes the Gogo clock with her fist in order to shut it up. Gogo now looks like one of the 'Spy vs. Spy' spies if they were just smashed on the head with a giant mallet.

GOGO: [stars on his head] Cuckoo, cuuuckoooo...

And now, it's time for a – You guessed it. MONTAGE!

[ARETHA FRANKLIN'S "RESPECT" STARTS PLAYING IN THE BACKGROUND]

Babs slowly crawls out of bed. Too bad there's no window she could open up so the shining sun could wake her up a bit quicker but it is a bit odd that she doesn't fall asleep all over again since there's no light in the whole burrow. She yawns and wipes the crusts off her eyes as she crankily walks out of the room. You know, just typical morning stuff here.

INT. BABS' BURROW – BATHROOM

Before she steps into the shower, she takes a quick look at herself in the mirror and randomly starts making funny faces and imitating film characters and so-called celebrities to herself all in beautiful jump cuts.

BABS: [Clint Eastwood] Do I feel lucky? Well do ya, punk?

["Dark Knight"'s Joker] Why so seriousssssss-sa?

[Roger Rabbit] P-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-lease, make it staaaaahp!

[Jon Lovitz] Subway, eat frrrreesh!

[Demetri Martin, music stops, by the way] I remember once I was eating a chocolate bar and I started looking at the wrapper. And it hit me. Why do they call it '3 Musketeers'? It's one bar, why not just call it '1 Musketeer'? Doesn't that make more sense?

CUT TO:

INT. BABS' BURROW – OUTSIDE OF BATHROOM

Music continues. CAMERA is now outside the bathroom as Babs quickly showers herself down and singing along to Aretha Franklin doing a very passable imitation of her singing.

BABS: [singing] Ain't gonna do ya wrong! Cause I don't wanna! All I'm askin' is for a little respect when you get home! Baby! When ya get home! Just a little bit. Just a little bit.

CUT TO:

INT. BABS' BURROW – BATHROOM

Okay, now we're back inside the bathroom where Babs now has a white robe on along with a towel wrapping the ears and hair on her head. She does the following; brush teeth: check. Eye drops for contacts: check. Aligns her eyelashes: check. She then takes the towel off her head, hair dries her ears down while combing them, opens a drawer next to her, takes out two violet bows and ties them to the tip of her ears. Check and check. As for the tiny speck of hair that's on top of her head and between her ears, she just licks her right palm and wipes it down a bit. There, much better.

CUT TO:

INT. BABS' BURROW – BEDROOM

Babs closes the door on her room and locks it. She then springs to her closet and starts going through her wardrobe as random clothes and costumes are being thrown left and right. After a few seconds, she pops out of the closet with a football get-up on and looks at herself in the other mirror that's hanging on her wall. More jump cuts here, by the way.

BABS: Too sporty.

Back to the closet. Comes back with a Bob Dylan get-up complete with a weird hairdo, sunglasses, guitar and harmonica hanging on her neck.

BABS: Too sixties.

Back to the closet. Indiana Jones get-up.

BABS: Too Spielbergian.

Harry Potter.

BABS: [shakes her head] Nuh-uh.

'Men In Black' get-up.

BABS: I make this look good.

Ghostbusters.

BABS: I came. I saw. I kicked its-

Popeye.

BABS: Na-ha-ha-ha. I yam what I yam and that's all that I yam.

Joan Rivers.

BABS: Oh, oh, can we talk? [normal voice] No.

Clown get-up.

BABS: Ta-daaaaaah!

Nope. Goes back. Her regular get-up.

BABS: Perfect.

CUT TO:

INT. BABS' BURROW – OUTSIDE OF BEDROOM

The door opens and Babs comes out feeling like she just won the lottery as she heads for the kitchen. As she proudly walks, some of her brothers and sisters begin to follow her along. Suddenly, more and more begin to join in. Her audience, ladies and gentlemen.

* * *

><p>CUT TO:<p>

INT. BABS' BURROW – KITCHEN

Babs' mom is busy cooking up some eggs while the rest of her brothers and sisters are at the table stuffing themselves. The kitchen is then suddenly interrupted as the energetic pink rabbit jumps right into the kitchen along with her brothers and sisters that are happily following her along.

BABS: In the words of the once great Michael Buffer; [imitation] "Let's get ready to rumbuuuuuuuuuuuule!"

Every single one of her siblings cheer and applaud as they hear that their older sister is proudly going along with her show even though they're not old enough to go see it.

BABS' MOM: So, I assume the show must go on?

BABS: That's right. A certain rabbit told me that I need to just forget about everything around me and just go with the flow.

BABS' MOM: That's the spirit!

BABS: Wait, I thought you told me that I should maybe change my career to something else.

BABS' MOM: Oh, Bee-abs, honey. I know I dee-id and I'm sorry. I know you would never do thee-at. Whatever you decide to do in the fe-uture, we'll stee-and right by you, sweetie.

BABS: So, you're still coming then?

BABS' MOM: Of course! I wouldn't miss it for the world, hun!

Delighted by her answer, she responds by embracing her mom as hard as she can without suffocating her.

BABS: Thanks, mom.

She feels a little tug on her blouse. She looks down to find her little brother, Mortimer wanting for her to hug him and the rest of his siblings.

BABS: Oh, don't worry, I haven't forgetting about you guys. Come here!

She opens her arms out and a bunch of her siblings jump out of the table and right onto Babs, knocking her flat on the floor. Does she care? No, of course not. She's too busy laughing with them to do so.

* * *

><p>CUT TO:<p>

INT. BABS' CAR

Babs closes the door of her car and puts the key in the ignition. As the engine warms up, she takes a deep breath and slowly lets it out. She knows that she has a lot of support from her friends and family, but now she needs to tackle that old cliche that involves believing in one's self. Well, nobody's poi-fect.

BABS: All right, Babs, You can do this. Confidence, Babs. You've got to have confidence. [to "camera"] Speaking of which... [starts singing a la Julie Andrews] I have confidence in sunshine! I have confidence in rain! I have confidence that spring will come again! [adjusts the shift into reverse since she's too busy singing to even notice] Besides which you see, I have confidence in- [puts foot on accelerator] WHOOOOOAAA!

Her car takes off in the opposite direction. The camera just stays in one place as we hear the car crashing offscreen into a bunch of trash cans followed by what we're assuming are the neighbors complaining about their precious trash cans being crushed. A trash lid rolls its way through the frame.

BABS: Sorry. Sorry.

Babs then puts the car into 'drive' and passes through the frame once again.

BABS: Note to self: get this thing insured ASAP.

* * *

><p>WIPE CUT TO:<p>

EXT. DOWNTOWN ACME ACRES – NIGHT

[Daft Punk's "Fresh" plays somewhere in the background]

We begin in downtown Acme Acres. CAMERA notices the stage lights swinging back and forth from a random street and begins to follow them. On another street begins a line filled with familiar and unknown faces that either belong in this show or in any of the other shows that Spielberg produced. As we continue, the line gets bigger and bigger and bigger and bigger. The line then ends right as it reaches...

EXT. DOWNTOWN ACME ACRES - ACME COMEDY CLUB

The Acme Comedy Club which is looking a lot better at night now that its lights are all set in motion and the marquee that reads "BABS BUNNY PRESENTS 'NO MORE MISS NICE BUNNY'" is sparkling nonstop. At the box office, a young male purple condor, CONCORD CONDOR, is handling the tickets as each individual person and/or cameo enters the building. Next in line is a certain aging gray squirrel wearing a green hat with a white gardenia on her head and using an umbrella as a cane on one hand while her pink purse is hanging from her other arm. She hands the tickets to Concord who tears the stubs off and hands them back to her. This is SLAPPY, by the way, not that that's important or anything. She walks into the building along with her growing little brown furred squirrel of a nephew.

SLAPPY: I don't know why I let you talk me into this, Skippy.

SKIPPY: Aw, come on, Aunt Slappy. You remember her.

SLAPPY: Yeah, but let just hope the times haven't done anything to her. Just look at what happened to me.

Skippy just shrugs and doesn't say anything and just continues walking. Meanwhile, we cut to more pointless cameos. This time, Concord hands a ticket stub over to a tiny white mouse with an abnormal cranium and is accompanied by a slightly taller white mouse with buck teeth and a giddy smile on his face. They talk as they climb off the box office stand and begin walking towards the building.

PINKY: Oh, Brain, this is going to be so much fun! Poit!

BRAIN: Yes, Pinky, it will. But you must also remember that we must uncover as much details on comedy techniques so we ourselves can become successful comedians and take over the world!

PINKY: Now if we can only find a plan that can stop you from shouting out anymore exposition, Brain. Then we'd be all set to go.

Brain takes the ticket stub, straightens it up a bit and smacks Pinky on the head with it. He then continues walking.

PINKY: [stars spinning on his head] Ooh, I'll have the purple stuff, Dave. [laughs] Narf!

CUT TO:

INT. ACME COMEDY CLUB – AUDITORIUM

The auditorium is sort of like a party. The walls are all painted pink and purple, the tables are all coated with a black cloth surrounded by silverware, glasses and folded napkins and there are plenty of them to go around since they almost sold out and are expecting a full house. The show doesn't begin for a good forty minutes so the audience have just enough time to either find their seats, order their drinks or converse with other people.

ELMYRA, the 'other' little redheaded girl with the white skirt, blue blouse and bow on top of her head with the visible gerbil skull in the middle, and MONTANA MAX, the brown haired human wearing his usual his usual grayish-blue jacket and pants with the green shirt and black shoes, are also seen approaching their seat. I know you all know what they look like but I still have to describe them just in case someone's new to this.

MONTANA MAX: Could you explain to me please, why exactly was I dragged here?

ELMYRA: [giggles innocently] Silly, because that way I could two of my most favoritest things in the world with me; you and the pink girly bun-bun too.

Max sighs annoyingly as he begins to read the tiny menu in front of him which I'm assuming every course or drink has something to do with carrots.

Buster also arrives all snazzed up in a tiny tuxedo and clutching a dozen roses for after the show and is following Hamton who is not only the clean-up guy but also the usher (how that works? I have no clue) to his table.

BUSTER: So, are you going to be watching the show too, Hamton?

HAMTON: Of course. Babs gave me one of the best seats in the house.

BUSTER: I'll bet. What about me?

HAMTON: Oh, don't worry. She hasn't forgotten about you.

They get to a table that faces the left side of the stage. Hamton removes the "Reserved" sign from it and pulls the seat so that Buster could sit down.

BUSTER: Thanks, pal.

HAMTON: You're welcome. Enjoy the show!

Buster places the roses on the table and picks up the small menu in front of him. He could order something to eat, but he doesn't really think it would be a good idea to eat anything during Babs' routing for fear that one of her jokes would have him choking on the main course in seconds. He is thirsty, however. Just then, one of the show's waiters (or in this case, waitresses), MARY MELODY, Acme Acres only African-American human to ever be taught at Acme Loo. (Seriously, why doesn't anybody ever bring her up during Black History Month?) Anyway, she approaches Buster's table.

MARY: Hey, Buster, anything to start?

BUSTER: Hey, Mary. Just a carrot juice. On the rocks, please.

MARY: Comin' right up!

As she leaves, the CAMERA pans over to the left right onto the stage and focuses on a tiny blue eye that spies on the audience.

CUT TO:

INT. ACME COMEDY CLUB – BACKSTAGE

Of course, the sneaky little blue eye belongs to Babs as she looks at the continuously growing auditorium.

BABS: Wow, I should've really kept track of how many tickets we sold.

Behind her, Plucky, who is still in charge of lighting, by the way, climbs down a ladder and approaches Babs.

PLUCKY: Hey Babs. How ya feelin'?

BABS: Oh, you know, the usual. Charged, adrenalized, energetic... I'm going up in front of hundreds of people! How do you think I feel?

PLUCKY: Whoa! Take it easy there, Stress-erella. You're gonna be great and you know it.

BABS: Yeah, Buster already dedicated an entire speech for me last night.

PLUCKY: So then what the heck are you so worried about? Anyway, just came down here to tell you to break as many legs as you possibly can tonight.

He takes off. Two seconds later, his head pops back onto the frame.

PLUCKY: I meant that as a figure of speech. Don't actually break anyone legs.

His head then exits the frame as it takes off with the rest of his body off screen.

BABS: You know what? He's right. What the heck am I so worried about. I should be excited. I shouldn't be worried about having my soul sucked right about no-

Then she remembered why she was worried. Marvin Sulsuker. How was she going to do her act around him?

BABS: Oh, right. Well if I'm going to defend myself, then now's the time to do so.

She exits backstage for just a bit and...

INT. ACME COMEDY CLUB – BACKSTAGE HALLWAY

...begins to walk towards the back hallway where people in headsets are shouting out directions left and right.

BABS: Alright, Babs. Remember, he's got to go. You're in charge of your own show, your own jokes, your own personality and no one's gonna take that away from yo-

As she talks to herself, she accidentally bumps into someone and they both come tumbling onto the floor.

BABS: Hey, watch where ya goin'!

The figure begins to become more and more familiar as he picks himself up. The black stature, the brown pants up to his waist, the dog-like ears, the monkey-like tail. Holy Smokes! Could it be?

FIGURE: Oh, well excuuuuuuuuuse me, princess.

He turns around. IT IS! IT IS! IT'S YAKKO FREAKIN' WARNER, EVERYBODY!

BABS: Yakko? Yakko Warner?

YAKKO: Well it ain't exactly Groucho Marx (although that would actually be pretty passable). Wait. You're Babs Bunny, aren't ya?

She proudly nods her head.

YAKKO: Well if it ain't the star of today's show? How are ya?

They both shake hands.

YAKKO: [continues] Nice to finally meet ya although we might've already met before. I don't know. I don't keep track of everybody I meet and don't meet.

BABS: [chuckles] I'm a huge fan of you and your siblings and I have been for a while now.

YAKKO: Why thank you very much. By the way, I should also keep track of every single one of my fans every now and then.

BABS: So are you going to go watch the show?

She knew it was a stupid question to ask but it wasn't going to let it stop her since she was in the presence of one of her biggest idols.

YAKKO: Well, kinda. We're actually your opening act. Me and my siblings are just getting ready to go on.

He points over to them as the CAMERA pans over to WAKKO and DOT WARNER can-canning as part of their way of both rehearsing and being prepared.

BABS: Oh, that's great. Well, I ca- Wait. Did you say opening act?

YAKKO: Yeah, you didn't know? Mr. Fun Sucker or whatever the heck they call him had it scheduled for weeks now.

BABS: Oh, did he now? Would you excuse me, please?

She doesn't wait for an answer and continues to walk over where Marvin's office is.

YAKKO: Don't worry! We promise not to be better than you or anything!

As she marches, she also walks into Shirley and has her tag along by grabbing her arm.

SHIRLEY: Whoa, Babs. Like, where are we going?

BABS: We're gonna go have a little talk with Marvin.

SHIRLEY: Ooh, at last.

CUT TO:

* * *

><p>INT. ACME COMEDY CLUB – MARVIN'S OFFICE<p>

Marvin Sulsuker is in his office adding up the estimates on his calculator and writing it all down on a tiny notepad.

MARVIN: Alright, the price of tickets times the number we've sold plus the amount of drinks we've sold so far and the courses that followed, then we add the main courses [mutters] equals... Whoa! Man, I'm good!

A slight knock on the door is heard.

MARVIN: Come in!

BAM! The door comes crashing down and reveals Babs lowering her giant foot down. Shirley just remains still as Babs walks into the premises looking like she's ready to punch someone in the face.

MARVIN: Oh well, hello, Babs. How are you? By the way, that door's coming out of your wallet.

BABS: You got an opening act to go on before me without telling me first?

MARVIN: Well, you know, what if it all doesn't work? I have to have the audience leave with something to talk about, you know?

BABS: You know? I don't think I have ever understood you ever since we met. First you come here unannounced, you say you have brilliant ideas to make my show a success, I trust you completely and sign that lousy contract of yours, then you start messing with the show and make unauthorized decisions without my approval, you openly insult me and my comedy style and after all your speeches and all your slaps to the face, you get an act that's literally the exact same style as me to open up before me? Are you for freaking real?

MARVIN: [unamused] Are you finished?

BABS: Almost. Just have one last to say.

MARVIN: Oh, and what's that?

BABS: Oh, nothing important. Just that you're fired.

She turns around and begins to walk away.

MARVIN: Wait, what? Fired? You can't fire me! It's my money!

She stops dead in her tracks.

BABS: Your money? Your money?

She turns around to face him and before Marvin can come up with a response, Babs springs right at him and attacks him to the floor.

BABS: Let's get something straight once and for all, Marvin "Soul Sucker"! It's not your money. It was never your money. My friends, family and I poured everything we had into all of this way before you ever showed up. You see this contract?

She pulls the contract out of her unseen pocket, presses it to Marvin's face and tears it into confetti.

BABS: There! Gone! Zilch! Poof! Nada! Nothing left! I'll find a way to make money and fund the shows myself if I have to because I'm not going to let some greedy, two-faced business man stand in the way of my future! My style and jokes are here to stay for good. Got it?

Instead of waiting for a response, she begins to head backstage.

BABS: Wow, that felt pretty good.

But before she does, she has to have Shirley who's still standing near the office do a quick favor for her.

BABS: Shirl, get this bozo out of here and... [whispers in Shirley's ear]

SHIRLEY: Ooh, with pleasure.

She slowly approaches Marvin who has absolutely no idea what is going on but doesn't want to find out.

MARVIN: Wait, what are you doing? What did I ever do to you? No. No! NOOOOOOOOOOOO!

FADE OUT

* * *

><p>Stay tuned for the third act. You're gonna love it. Trust me.<p>

Oh, and don't forget to comment!


	3. Act 3: On with the Show!

Babs Bunny

In

'No More Miss Nice Bunny'

Story and Screenplay

By

Nate Collins

Based on "Tiny Toon Adventures",

Characters Created By Tom Ruegger

And Television Show Developed and Produced By Steven Spielberg

Note: Well my friends, here's what we've been building up to at last. This is my first time doing stand-up material and I mostly wrote what I thought was funny and what I thought was worth mentioning. It's also my first time doing songwriting even if it's a parody of an already existing song and the climactic joke took a whole week to get right so I hope it works (you'll mostly get it if you're a huge die hard fan of animation). Anyway, sit back, relax and enjoy Barbara Ann ("Babs") Bunny's greatest moment.

* * *

><p>ACT III<p>

INT. ACME COMEDY CLUB – AUDITORIUM

The lights dim down. The chatter that surrounded the auditorium for a good half hour starts to die down. The speakers then vibrate as a deep voice echoes all throughout the room.

ANNOUNCER: Ladies and gentlemen. Toons and toonettes. The Acme Comedy Club proudly presents the stand-up debut of Acme Acres' up-and-coming star, Babs Bunny! Welcome, one and all, to "No More Miss Nice Bunny"!

The humans applaud while the toons are cheering their heads off as they support their furry pink friend.

ANNOUNCER: But first, before we can get her up here, let's give a big round of applause for our opening act, The Warners! Yakko! Wakko! And their sister, Dot!

The red curtains raise as the three Warner siblings rapidly approach the stage and stop dead center, one after the other. The cheering enhances as everyone seems to know who these guys are.

YAKKO: Good evening, everybody. I'm Yakko!

WAKKO: I'm Wakko!

DOT: And I'm cute!

YAKKO AND WAKKO: She's Dot.

DOT: That's right! But you can call me Princess Angelina Contessa Louisa Francesca...

INT. ACME COMEDY CLUB – BACKSTAGE

Backstage, Babs lies low on the other side of the stage and watches as her audience split their sides to the three 'whatever the heck they are''s that are currently surrounding the stage.

BABS: All right. Get it together, Babsy ol' girl. Your entire life has led to this. If they can laugh at them, you got nothing nothing to worry about. I have confidence, I have everyone supporting me, your boss has been taken care of. So why are you still worrying?

The voice of Buster then takes over her mind with a few of the many things he stated the other night.

BUSTER'S VOICE: "Screw 'em", "You are what you are!", "You're still the best, by the way."

She finds a quote and sticks with it, then closes her eyes and softly repeats it to herself.

BABS: I'm the best. I'm the best. I'm the best. I'm the best...

She continues to repeat this until she feels enough strength to go on.

CUT TO:

INT. ACME COMEDY CLUB – STAGE

Well, I guess ten minutes must've gone by or something because the Warners just now wrapping their act up.

YAKKO: Well, my friends, I think we've stalled our rabbitty friend for quite some time now. What do you say we bring her out?

The audience agrees to this by cheering as loud as they can.

YAKKO: Wow, the crowd's more easier to please than the Bulls games. What do you say, guys? [re: sibs] Should we bring her out?

Wakko and Dot look backstage and notices Babs with her back turned and completely contemplating on herself. Wakko, not wanting to disappoint the crowd, answers.

WAKKO: I think she's ready.

YAKKO: Okey dokey. Dot?

DOT: Lookin' good, Yakko.

YAKKO: Great! Alrighty, folks!

INT. ACME COMEDY CLUB – BACKSTAGE

As Babs meditates, a series of images project inside her head that consists footage of Buster, her early stand-up days at Acme Loo...

YAKKO: Let's give the biggest round of applause to probably the bravest!

...her little shows in the cafeteria of Acme Loo, more Buster...

WAKKO: The boldest!

...her friends, family, etc. and ends with a quick shot of the entire auditorium loaded with nothing but Busters.

DOT: The cutest! (Although not as cute as me.)

Her ears quake as she listens to the build-up that the Warners are causing, making the statement that she continues to repeat to herself impossible to hear. With more than enough power to go on now, her eyes switch back on.

INT. ACME COMEDY CLUB – STAGE

YAKKO: In other words, the greatest rabbit I've ever met! She's the one!

WAKKO: The only!

WARNERS: BAAAAAAAAAAAABS BUNNYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!

As soon as her cue is heard, the pink rabbit launches herself from backstage and bounces all around the stage 'hoo-hoo'ing a la Daffy Duck. Meanwhile Plucky, who's on top of the stage, tries desperately to keep a light on the energetic rabbit.

The audience goes nuts as soon as they catch sight of the pink fur bouncing like a rubber ball all over the stage. Truly most of these people knew who she was since there was no other explanation. They probably saw her act online in preparation or something. The few people who were unfamiliar with her act just sit tight and brace themselves for what's about to occur. Babs lands right dead center of the stage.

BABS: I'M HEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRE!

She raises her arms to bask in on the audiences attention as they get on their feet hollering and cheering.

BABS: Thank you! Thank you! Thank you all and welcome to the-

She notices something that's a bit off here but can't really get her finger on it. What could it be? Oh, right. The light's not on her. She looks up and sees Plucky panting from trying to follow her around. This gives her an idea.

BABS: Hey, Pluckster! Little light over here?

Plucky stops panting and takes control of the light again. As soon as he aims for her, Babs skips an inch away from where she stood and has Plucky miss his target. Chuckles echo.

PLUCKY: Hey, what the-?

BABS: Well, what'cha waitin' for?

PLUCKY: Just hang on a sec.

He tries again only to have the rabbit bounce out of the way once again having him miss. More chuckles.

PLUCKY: Hey, what's the big idea?

BABS: What? I'm not doing anything.

They continue like this for quite a while with Plucky continuously moving the light back and forth and Babs dodging it like a cat trying to chase a mouse. Laughter ensues but Babs then stops so she doesn't bore her audience with it.

PLUCKY: Just hold still already!

BABS: Alright, alright. I'll stop. Sorry. [to audience] I just can't help myself.

That gets the audience going. Babsy finally holds still while Plucky adjusts the light onto her.

BABS: Hello everybody and welcome to the show. My name is Babs Bunny. I'm seventeen years old and don't I just have the cutest toes? My favorite things are my pals, my family, my feet and my boyfriend, Buster while my pet peeves are C's, D's, drama critics, mimes, Rich Little and worst of all, being referred to as...

She covers her ears as her most hated song plays on one of the speakers.

BEACH BOYS: Ah, Ba-Ba-Ba, Ba-Barbara Ann. Ba-Ba-Ba, Ba-Barbara Ann.

BABS: Alright, alright! Stop! We get the point!

The song stops.

BABS: Whew. Thank you. So yeah, don't ever call me that because horrible, unspeakable things will befall upon you if you do. The same goes if that song is ever played. But don't worry, guys! You're good! [re: the people in charge of the sound] Anyway, I've lived in Acme Acres pretty much my entire life and like every other rabbit before me, I was stuck in a tiny burrow with 72, that's right, 72 brothers and sisters and as you might know, it's not easy being the oldest of every single one that I was blessed enough to have. [looks up] Yeah, I'm still thanking you up there. [looks back at audience] Whenever my parents would leave me in charge, it was like a living nightmare. You got one on top of the fridge, one taking a ride in the dryer, another one riding the fan. There's one who surprisingly knows how to make coffee and another one who needs a leash because she does not know how to stay inside. Oh, and I'm especially lucky if one doesn't take the car out for a spin like Maggie Simpson or something. And whenever my parents come back and especially with food, that's when they get to smelling. [sniffs around] All of the sudden, they turn into the raptors from "Jurassic Park" and they atttack my parents and the bags full of food with them. [playfully roaring and foaming from the mouth] Five seconds. Give them five seconds and that once beautiful living room that my mother spent months working on will look like World War III just went off in there. And then there's the names. You'd be lucky if you can remember which one's which. The only one I know is Mortimer, mostly because he has that expression on his face. You know, that one expression on somebody's face that you automatically know it's them?

Silence.

BABS: No? Well, anyway, then there's the names. My parents got really lucky that they didn't run out of names like Charlotte, Brittany, Michael, Tiffany, Joe, James, Bob, Carol, Ted, Alice, John, Paul, George, Ringo, Bono, The Edge, Turner, Hooch, Bono, The Edge, Sonny, Cher, Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen, Doc, Dopey, Bashful, Sneezy, Homer, Marge, Bart, Li- Oh, wait a minute. [takes out piece of paper] Oops, wrong list. [mutters] Fifth time this week. [crumples up paper] Okay, moving on!

DISSOLVES (I will not be doing the ENTIRE show since that would make the act even longer than it already is. So instead, I'll just be doing her "greatest hits"). Anyway, moving on.

BABS: [continues] You know those movies? The one about the girl who can't seem to choose between a vampire made of shiny toothpaste and a werewolf who never seem to have a shirt on and everytime she tries to choose, there's a huge body count because of that?

Everybody boos as they know which one she's referring to.

BABS: Ah, so I assume you all know what I'm talking about then. Anyway, I know a lot of girls seem to be in love with those even though the girl has got to be the absolute worst female role model ever written but honestly, does anyone ever really pay attention to any of the details rather than just stare at that werewolf's six pack for two hours? Also, what's with the constant slo-mo shots every single time somebody's introduced. I swear the girl will be all like, "Hey, Mr. Werewof!" and the werewolf guy will be all like, [she turns around and very slowly turns her head around, then says very smoothly...] "Hey." Seriously, it's annoying! There are sometimes where I constantly keep expecting them to pull a product plug out of their pockets or something. You know what they should do next time? They should introduce themselves randomly coming out of, I don't know, let's say, a bathtub and just walk out saying, "Hey ladies. Look at the man sitting next to you, now back to me. Now back him, now BACK to me. Sadly, he isn't me but if you cover him in flour, he could be just as expression-less and bland as I am."

Oh, don't worry. The audience is laughing. Don't think that just because I'm not writing it doesn't mean that they're not.

Anyway, DISSOLVE:

Another half hour passes and Babs has yet to run out of topics to discuss.

BABS: Recently, I found out about a rapper who just happens to have the same name as me. How does that work? I mean, I do feel rather appreciated about that but still, don't people usually get sued for stuff like that? Now to be honest, I don't really have much information about her since I found about this just a few days ago after a friend of mine sent it to me through the internet but that's not to say that I can rap too! Just watch.

She spins around and stops now donning blue jeans, a white shirt underneath a university jacket complete with gold chain and shutter shades as the icing on the cake. The speakers blast as a beat similar to a well known song by a well known rapper is playing.

BABS: [rapping] Welcome to the mediocre life,

where everything ain't what it seems

and everybody's out to crush ya dang dreams.

The mediocre life, where intelligence don't exist

and there's no way now to make it desist.

The mediocre life. It feels like Wisconsin,

it feels like Flint, Mich, it feels like Oakland,

it feels like Detroit and I'll exploit

every single one of these places

that I do detest cause I,

I hate my life, I have to strife.

So punch the guy next to you now!

And I, I hate my life, I have to strife.

So punch the guy next to you now!

I'mma make it thru this life, people.

I'mma, I'mma put it down.

So let me hear you go, boo, boo, boo, boo, ooh.

I'm bored.

Everybody applauds. Babs sighs praisefully and so far, a bit exhausted as she removes the shades as tosses them aside.

BABS: Thank you! Thank you! Whew, I can't see in these things. Alright, and now, the world according to Tommy Wiseau.

She runs offstage for a millisecond and comes back donning a tuxedo and a long dark wig.

BABS: [imitates Tommy Wiseau] Oh, hi, audience! Anyone wanna play football? Well anyway, I am here to show and enlighten you about the world we live in today. You see, life a relationships, you know? It's you and me and every-wan in America. You can laugh and you can cry, but please don't hurt each other cause that's life, you know? And remember, you can love someone deep within your heart and there is nothing wrong with that. If a lot of people love each other, the world would be a better place to live in. Thank you very much, huh. [weird laugh]

TA-DAH! She bows, runs backstage again and comes back in half a second.

BABS: Thank you, thank you. How many years does it take for that guy to get his accent right? The world may never know.

Half the people in the audience only knew what she was talking about. Everyone else looks a bit confused.

BABS: Alright, to those who got the joke, fifty points. The rest of you, you're not missing anything. And now how exactly do I top something like that off, how about say... A random dance break!

The speakers blast out the Beach Boys' "Surfin' USA" and Babs goes into a hyperactive dance routine. This must be a bit too random for some people as their just scratching their heads in confusion while everybody else who is familiar with Babs' work including her closest friends and Buster are laughing their butts off and spewing carrot juice out of their noses as they're desperately trying not to fall off their seats.

BABS: Okay, that's enough dancing. You know what I haven't done a lot of? Impressions. How about some impressions? Anybody have anyone in mind?

Arms raise in the air as soon as the question comes out.

BABS: Whoa, okay. Let's see here. Uhhhhhh, you.

AUDIENCE MEMBER: Elvis!

BABS: [As Elvis] Oh, come on, man. Give me something better to work with here, Uh, huh huh.

More hands.

BABS: Uh, how bout you? What do you want to hear?

AUDIENCE MEMBER #2: Could you do Shaggy and Scooby?

BABS: Could I do Shaggy and Scooby? Yeah, I could do those. I could do those easy. What's your name?

AUDIENCE MEMBER #2: Frederick.

BABS: [ahems, as Casey Kasem] Alright, Frederick, here's your long distance dedication. [changes voice, Shaggy] ZOINKS, Scoob! Look, it's the Harlem Globetrotters! [as Scooby-Doo] Da Rarlem Roberotters? He-he-he-he-he-he! [normal voice] See what I did there? I did two takes on Casey Kasem's voice.

More hands.

BABS: Nnn-?

AUDIENCE MEMBER #3: Napoleon Dynamite?

BABS: Ugh, I hate that movie. But I guess I can do it. [ahems, pulls out weird looking glasses and imitates Napoleon Dynamite] I like your sleeves. They're real big. Could you just tell Grandma to come get me? Cause I don't feel good! Well could you at least bring me my chapstick? But my lips hurt real bad! Gosh! [kicks air] Idiot.

She throws the glasses away.

BABS: That's the only time I'm ever gonna do that voice. [shakes her head dry]

AUDIENCE MEMBER #4: Hepburn!

BABS: Okay, now we're talkin'! [as Katharine Hepburn] Hello, dah-lings. You know, when you do thrilling material, it's like buying a really good piece of furniture. When you buy it the first time, you get enormous pleasure out of seeing and you never remember how much it costs. That's the one thing you really forget. [normal voice] I didn't make that up, she actually did say that. And you know what? She's right. I never really thought about it that way. [back to Hepburn] You're all my knights in shining armor, by the way.

The audience applaud as they appreciate that. One of the audience members, a girl this time, tries to shoot her request through the applause.

BABS: I'm sorry. What was that?

AUDIENCE MEMBER #5: Mae West?

BABS: [gasps, shocked] You know who Mae West is? Do you know how incredibly awesome you are? What's your name?

AUDIENCE MEMBER #5: Margaret.

BABS: Really? Okay, Margaret? I swear I'll remember you for this in my will! [spins around, dons a shot-in-black-and-white sparkling dress while wearing mascara and lipstick and imitates Mae West] Hello there, warm, dark and handsome. Why don't you come up sometime and see me? I'm home every evening.

The men in the audience start acting like Tex Avery wolves as they are enjoying this bit. Babs then spins back to normal and calms everybody down.

BABS: All right, all right, guys. Sit back down before your wives get jealous.

DISSOLVE TO:

EXT. ACME COMEDY CLUB – NIGHT

Sorry folks, but we got to dissolve away from the climax just a little so I can describe the beautiful night sky that surrounds the Comedy Club and all of downtown. It looks beautiful. Okay, moving on.

CUT TO:

INT. ACME COMEDY CLUB - AUDITORIUM

The show is now entering its final minutes completion. She's just down to her final act before she say's goodbye.

BABS: You guys are a great audience, man. I'm glad you all came here. You're supporting me and my future. I absolutely love that.

Applause.

BABS: [continues, as Sally Field] You like me! You really like me! [normal voice, turns around] Seriously, you guys backstage. Don't think I haven't forgotten about you guys just because I can't see you. [looks up at the lights] Hey Plucky! How ya doin' up there?

PLUCKY: My arms are getting tired! And I'm roasting like a- Well... a duck!

BABS: Uh-huh, that's nice. [back to audience] My mom's in the audience too. Hey mom! How are you doing back there? [waves to her mom]

She playfully waves to her mom who gladly waves back as she sits halfway through the center right side of the auditorium.

BABS: A few of my closest friends are also here. OH! Buster? Buster, where are you? I forgot where I put ya.

BUSTER: Figures.

Buster stands up to be recognized by Babs and everyone else.

BUSTER: Right here, Babalink.

The light sluggishly makes its way over to where Buster is.

BABS: Oh, there you are. Ladies and gentlemen, this is probably the greatest rabbit I've ever met! Not only is he my blue-eared beau, but he's also been my partner, my best friend and my supporter for as long as I can remember and if not for him, I would not be standing here right now! Let's hear it for Buster, ladies and gentlemen!

The audience applauds and whistles at the light shining on the blue rabbit who tries to keep his cool and waves shyly.

BUSTER: [to himself] Wow. I'm kinda liking this already.

BABS: Oh, Buster? You can sit back down now before they attack you just to get to me.

He sits back down as the light drags its way back to the pink rabbit on stage.

BABS: Alright now for my final act, I would do for you guys, a lesson on animation. For this, I would like a volunteer from the audience.

Everybody's hands once again go up in enthusiasm.

BABS: No, I need someone who's willing to be in pain for everyone's amusement.

Most arms go down.

SHIRLEY: [from back of the auditorium] Hey, Babs! I think I might have someone for you!

She approaches the stage dragging a tied up Marvin Sulsuker.

SHIRLEY: Look at him! He's like begging to do it or some junk!

BABS: Perfect! Bring him up here!

MARVIN: You can't do this to me! I'll sue!

SHIRLEY: Yeah, yeah. It's not like I haven't heard that one before.

She grabs on to Marvin's ropes and swings him onto the stage.

BABS: Alrighty then! [to audience] So class, today I will be teaching you about the Twelve Basic Principles of Animation. As you can see, we have our little guinea pig here selected by our good friend, Shirley.

She extends her arms to go backstage and brings them back out clutching a board that's holding a series of giant flash cards. The first one reads "The Twelve Basic Principles of Animation".

BABS: This won't be real hard to understand so there's no need for anyone to take notes. So you're all ready?

AUDIENCE: YEAH!

BABS: [to Marvin] You ready?

MARVIN: You're in so much trouble.

BABS: He's ready. [removes one of the cards] In fact, he's so ready, that he went ahead and did the first one for us; "Appeal". This is when a character offers something attractive in both personality and appearance. Frankly, I don't see anything about that in him since he's just a greedy little business man who loves to make money so let's move on. [next card] Number two: Squash and Stretch. This gives weight and mass to an object or character by making its shape respond to the inertia of its motion. For example, if I was to toss him into the wall, [picks Marvin up] he could just bounce right back here!

She rolls him up like a ball and takes out a baseball glove from out of nowhere. She winds up, the "Charge" music starts playing through the speakers and pitches. Marvin goes flying as he heads for the other side of the auditorium. Da-da-da-da-da-daaaah!

AUDIENCE: CHARGE!

Marvin flattens in slow motion as he hits the wall then gets thinner as he bounces back to the stage.

BABS: Brilliant. [displaces another card] Number two: Anticipation. This sets up the audience (in this case, you guys) for any event before it happens. [looks up] Alright, Plucky! Let it go!

Plucky grunts as he tries to release an anvil the size of his whole body off of the bridge. The anvil falls, falls, falls... Babs then pulls out a remote and presses "Pause" causing the anvil to freeze in mid-air. Marvin sighs with relief.

BABS: Wait for it. Wait for it. Okay.

Babs lets go of the button and turns the "Rewind" knob to where Plucky drops the anvil and then lets it go to watch what happens. CLANG! The anvil squishes Marvin completely.

CUT TO:

Another montage! The "Benny Hill Theme" starts playing through the speakers.

Babs flips out another card, "STAGING". From the left angle, a bowling ball comes rolling in...

MARVIN: [trying to get back up] This isn't funny, you-

...and knocks Marvin back down. He tries again. Cut to another bowling ball rolling from the right angle and knocks him down again.

Next card. "Slow-In, Slow-Out". The same scene happens where Marvin is hit with the bowling ball except this time, Babs takes the remote and slowly plays with the "Rewind/Fast Forward" knob and has the bowling ball come back, hit him again, then rewind and doing it slowly. She repeats this for a few more times before moving on.

"Pose to Pose". The following frames are shown. A tired and bruised Marvin on the floor. Babs comes in with a giant steel ball. The ball crashes through the floor with him holding on to it.

"Timing". He tries to get out of the hole he fell in... only to have a giant tower clock fall on him. Get it? "Timing"? Ha ha ha ha. It's a gag.

"Exaggeration". Babs takes various Polaroid pictures of Marvin's expressions as he lays on the ground.

"Overlapping". Marvin is now swinging from a rope that seemed to have appeared out of nowhere. As he crashes into the wall, he stops moving, but the rope doesn't.

"Arc". Babs somehow has the Ark of the Covenant in front of her and is about to open it up until...

BABS: Whoops! Wrong 'arc'!

...and tosses it backstage. Sorry guys.

"Solid Drawing". Music stops. It's just Babs playing as the example.

BABS: What? One of these should be about me, shoudn't it?

And last, "Secondary Action". Marvin is now bruised, black-eyed, bumped, sizzling and surprisingly not bleeding as he tries to move his tired self. The music stops playing.

BABS: Aw, I think he's had enough. What do you say, fellas? Should I let him go?

Audience agrees.

BABS: All right. [helps Marvin] I'm sorry that you had to go through all of that, Marvin. Here, let me put you on this nice comfy chair.

She sits him down on a tiny tilted seat with a tiny pillow on top. Marvin relaxes, assuming that the worst is over.

BABS: Comfy, huh?

MARVIN: I guess.

BABS: It also reclines too. Watch.

She approaches the chair and clutches on to the giant lever that's attached to it. Marvin then realizes what exactly he is on.

MARVIN: Wait a minute!

We close-out to reveal that the nice comfy chair is actually a CATAPULT! But before he could question her, the catapult is released and Marvin takes off crashing into the roof and continues going, going going, going... Ding. Gone.

BABS: Sorry! [to audience] I just can't help myself.

The audience are all either in stiches or are applauding as if their lives depended on it.

BABS: Thank you all, ladies and gentlemen! You've been a wonderful audience! I wish you all good night and in the words of a once great anchorman, "I...AM...OUTTA HERE!"

She drops the microphone and takes a bow.

Everybody jumps out of their seats hollering and cheering until their throats are sore and clapping until their hands can no longer take it. Harriet whistles as loud as she can and Slappy also seems to be enjoying herself from where she's sitting.

SLAPPY: Now _that's_ comedy!

Some of the members even throw not food, but flowers at the stage. Babs glances at the roses, sunflowers and carnations that are bestowed upon her feet and feels not sad, but happy tears gleaming down her face. Her ears are deafening from the noise of endless cheers, applause and whistles that are now her biggest fans. She can't really seem to move but then again, why should she? She's perfectly comfortable from where she's standing. A piece of paper with some sloppy pen writing on it catches her eye. It says, "Meet me backstage" and who should be holding it but the blue rabbit himself. He grabs his dozen roses and begins to walk off as the curtain slowly comes down on Babs.

INT. ACME COMEDY CLUB – BACKSTAGE

Babs continues standing seconds after the curtain came down. She gets a sudden rush of life back when the entire crew approaches her all congratulating her and shaking her hand. Shirley even pops out as one of them.

SHIRLEY: Congrats, Babs, on your first successful show or some junk.

BABS: Thanks, Shirl. [hugs her] And thanks for everything too.

SHIRLEY: No problem. What are friends for?

Babs let goes and commences to look for her blue-eared beau. Plucky slides down from the ladder next to her with a very sweaty tank top and steam coming from all over his body. He taps her on the shoulder.

PLUCKY: You know, in a case like this, I would just yell at you for giving me such an agonizing job to do but because you were just too darn good out there, it shall be dropped.

He holds out his hand in respect. Babs shakes said hand despite the fact that it's been holding a stage light for two hours so who knows how sweaty and ovenlike it actually is now. Babs holds the pain in her hand in as she accepts his congratulations.

BABS: Thanks, Plucky. You were great too. We should work together again sometime.

PLUCKY: Yeah, well don't get your hopes up. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go find a swimming pool and fill it with ice cubes.

He takes off as he mumbles little curses to himself. Babs too turns around only to be attacked by a speeding blue bullet who embraces her as soon as he approaches her.

BUSTER: BABS, YOU DID IT! YOU WERE COLLOSSAL! STUPENDOUS! FANTASTIC! MEDIOCRE EVEN!

BABS: You mean it?

BUSTER: Babe, you were better than Robin Williams and Jim Carrey combined, you were that good!

In a jolt of ecstacy, Babs embraces him tighter and presses her lips against his with her foot popping into the air. Buster at this point has passed through the phase of being nervous or literally melting when giving or receiving kisses from Babs. Now he finds himself giving into the moment once their lips touch and takes advantage of it. The kiss then ends a good seven seconds later but continue to be entwined in each others arms. She leans her forehead onto his.

BUSTER: So I guess your act hasn't really gone anywhere. Told you you had nothing to worry about.

Babs smiles.

BABS: I love you, blue ears.

He let her go for a bit so he can hand her the flowers. Just then, a middle-aged man comes in and knocks on the wooden wall surrounding the two rabbits.

MAN: Excuse me, Miss Bunny?

BABS: [turns around] Yeah?

MAN: Sorry to interrupt, I'll be brief. My name is Tom Wilbury, I was part of the audience and I gotta say, that was probably one of the best acts I've even seen done on this stage alone.

BABS: Thanks and might I ask what exactly are you?

TOM: I'm a Broadway producer. Now before you go on critizing me, just hear me out first, okay? I know you might not want to hear this now because of what you did to your old producer back there but-

BABS: Wait, how did you knew he was my producer?

TOM: Oh, don't worry. Everybody in the industry hates him. You're not alone.

BABS: Well that's good.

TOM: Anyway, since you don't have anyone now, I could fill his spot easily. We could talk about this some other time but I'll just tell you this much right now. Before we can discuss any money issues or anything-

BABS: I don't know. I already agreed to fund the show myself and-

TOM: I'm willing to grant you complete creative control over the show and your how you think the jokes should be done, no questions asked. Now that's something you won't find walking down the streets nowadays.

Babs has a look of interest. This kind of producer was new to her (and probably to everyone as well) and she didn't know how to respond to this. Buster reaches for her hand to let her know that he was still there just in case.

BABS: Well, uh, wow. Um, well, Mr. Wilbury, that's quite an offer you got there but if you don't mind me asking, how do I know I can trust you?

TOM: You want to know why? Because I know exactly how you feel. I'm tired of everything that's being considered funny in today's world and I'm one of the few people who are willing to change that. If you give me a chance, I'll do the exact opposite that that jerk Sulsuker was too lazy to do.

BABS: Okay, I'll tell you what. Have your people call my people. We'll talk more then, alright?

BUSTER: If you rip her off like that last guy did, I'm going to launch you off an Acme cannon straight to the moon and don't think I won't do it cause I will!

TOM: And who might you be?

BUSTER: Buster Bunny, sir.

BOTH: No relation.

TOM: Oh, right. You were that rabbit who stood up in front of everybody. I remember now. You guys should do an act together next time or something. It'd be really interesting. Well, I have to go now. We'll be in touch.

He turns around and walks away, just like that.

BABS: Wow. That _was _brief. [anyway...] Can you believe it, Buster? Total creative control! It's just what I've always wanted!

BUSTER: Yeah, just hope he's telling the truth.

Just then, Shirley's voice echoes through the wooden hallway as she calls on the pink rabbit.

SHIRLEY: Hey Babs! We're all like going to go to Plucky's and celebrate this thing! You coming?

PLUCKY: [off screen] NO, YOU'RE NOT!

BABS: You know what, I'll catch up with you guys in a bit! [to Buster] Hey, you want to see something really amazing?

BUSTER: What, more cartoon violence?

BABS: Very funny. Come on.

She grabs her blue-eared beau by the arm and pulls him out of the frame.

END OF ACT III (But not yet the end...)

* * *

><p>The ending will be its own chapter so for now, feel free to comment.<p> 


	4. And In the End

Babs Bunny

In

'No More Miss Nice Bunny'

Story and Screenplay

By

Nate Collins

Based on "Tiny Toon Adventures",

Characters Created By Tom Ruegger

And Television Show Developed and Produced By Steven Spielberg

Note: This is a quick chapter but it's worth it. It really is.

* * *

><p>AND IN THE END...<p>

EXT. ACME COMEDY CLUB – ROOF – NEAR MIDNIGHT

CAMERA pans from the sky to the roof of the Acme Comedy Club where our beloved rabbits are enjoying the night sky and the cool breeze that's accompanying it.

BABS: Well, what do you think?

BUSTER: Not bad. Kinda like an alternate take on the hill.

Just then, they hear a weak groan coming from the streets of downtown.

BUSTER: What's that?

BABS: I don't know but it sounds like if the Frankenstein monster had a really bad day.

Buster pulls out a set of binoculars from an unseen pocket and tries to find the origin of the strange noise.

Through the binoculars, we see them turning back and forth trying to find movement or anything unusual. Let's see; cars, building, people, a screwy businessman lying on the ground groaning dizzily in pain- ah, bingo!

BUSTER: Hey look, Babsy! It's your good friend, the soul sucking businessman!

BABS: What? Let me see.

She grabs the binoculars and takes a look for herself. She sees the same thing Buster does just as Marvin raises his head a bit and tries to say the first thing that comes into his mind.

MARVIN: Uuuhh, wake me up when September ends, won't ya?

BABS: [shouts] It's the middle of October, ya jerk!

Marvin groans for the last time and collapses. Don't worry, he's just unconscious but it's no doubt that he will certainly wake up with an enormous headache the next day.

BABS: Hmm, that was pointless.

BUSTER: Yeah it was. Anyway, so now that this show's a success, what do you reckon you'll do now?

BABS: I don't know. First I'll have to talk with this Wilbury guy to see if he's passable. If he is, I have some more ideas for jokes written out and everything. I'm also writing down ideas for future names too. How's this, "The World According to Babs" or "It's a Toon Thing"? Oh, or my favorite, "Pay No Attention to the Rabbit Behind the Curtain"?

BUSTER: Hmm, not bad.

BABS: Not bad? I spent most of my spare time coming up with those? Alright, what kind of name would give it then?

BUSTER: How about, "I Just Can't Help Myself"?

BABS: That could work. Oh, and after I'm famous, I'll probably get asked to be in a movie or maybe be a guest star on a TV show and maybe be in Hitachi commercials for Japan! Oh, wait. We already did do that once. I forgot.

BUSTER: I thought you said you weren't going to sell out?

BABS: Oh, right. [sighs] Guess I'm going to have to write my own shows and movies then.

BUSTER: Don't worry, I can always help you with that. Oh! Speaking of which, you know what else we should do? The acting class will be over with in a couple of months now. After I get my degree, we should do a duo again like in the old days like that guy said.

BABS: [playfully] Hmm, that does sound intriguing but I don't know, Buster. I kind of want the spotlight to be on me for a while.

BUSTER: Oh, come on! You know we make a great team together!

BABS: Sorry Buster but my mind is made up.

BUSTER: Alright. Didn't want to do this to you but you leave me no choice.

He pulls out a tiny boombox and shows it to Babs as he playfully starts messing around with her.

BABS: [sarcastically] Ooh, a radio. What, you're gonna blast "Friday" outta that thing? Please don't.

BUSTER: Not exactly.

He pushes 'play' and out of the tiny speakers comes out a certain song that she never wants to hear.

BEACH BOYS: Ah, Ba-Ba-Ba, Ba-Barbara Ann.

The look on Babs face changes as she realizes what song it is.

BABS: No. No! [runs off] NOOOOOOOO!

Buster runs off after her with the boombox in his hands.

They reach the bottom of the building and continue running throughout the streets of downtown and into however far they get.

BABS: BUSTER, WHY? YOU KNOW I DON'T KNOW I DON'T LIKE THIS SONG!

BUSTER: Come on, Babsy! Just one act together?

BABS: NEVER!

BEACH BOYS: You got me rockin' and a-rollin', rockin' and a-reelin', Barbara Ann! Ba-Ba, Ba-Barbara Ann!

CAMERA stays in place as they continue running and going at it until we can't hear either their voices or the song anymore.

The scene slowly begins to iris out until... Hamton pops out of the iris a la Porky Pig and the "Merry Go Round Broke Down" bit at the end of each Looney Tunes short plays in the background.

HAMTON: That's all folks! I've always wanted to say that.

Hamton then leaves as the scene continues to iris out.

THE END

* * *

><p>Thanks to Tom Silver for encouraging me to continue writing these and some very special thank yous to both loonytunecrazy and Emerl1000 for taking the trouble to read these. It really means a lot to me that you're enjoying them. I very much hope more people find these and continue the trend so I can continue writing more.<p>

Now I shall be taking a break for a while so I can begin my second year of college but I'll be back with more stories and scripts probably in November or December of this year if I have the time.

Anyway for now, thank you all for your kind support during the making of this story. It meant a lot to me. I will continue to support your stories as well.


End file.
